Written Saturday, October 16th 2010.
The day I went in to see my doctor for my annual eval (aka the Pre-BabyMaking appointment), she excitedly told me – “HAVE FUN, this is a process, but it should be a fun one, Jaye”.
So, off I set, with my doctor’s BabyMaking blessing, to make sure that this experience was a fun one.
Let me be honest with you.
It was fun, for the first seven days. After just a few days, I gave up on keeping the control freak at bay. I wanted to be pregnant, and since it didn’t just happen on it’s own, I jumped in, head first. Hey, at least we know I give it 150%, all the time. I’m dependable like that.
Waiting to ovulate was probably the worst waiting game I’ve ever played. It never bothered me before, but now that I needed that magical ovulation to actually get pregnant, I was crazy with worry. I convinced myself during the wait that I was suddenly not capable of ovulating (even though I charted, and knew I was) and wouldn’t ovulate this cycle.
Everyday renewed my obsession with my temperature, my chart, and my cervical mucus (CM). I would stare at my chart for countless minutes a day, maybe even hours, searching for any signs that maybe ovulation had already occurred. Switching up pieces of the puzzle, moving around my ovulation test results, hoping that maybe I had just missed ovulation, but that it was in fact there. I admit, I probably was checking my CM five times a day at some point. Obsession people. This is what BabyMaking does to control freaks. I was a sight to be seen…my husband thought I was ridiculous, but I’m sure it was amusing at the same time. I have no problem admitting, this was the stuff of a crazy person. I was two steps from the looney bin at times, I’m sure.
It’s funny though, how when you’re looking so hard into the lack of signs, you’re excitement level when REAL signs show up, is hyper-elevated.
One night while casually checking my CM (if casual even goes in the same sentence as CM) I was beyond surprised when I located the Holy Grail of CM: Eggwhite. Not only did I have eggwhite CM, but I had GOBS of it. It is a rarity for me to EVER have eggwhite CM, so this was a huge accomplishment. Maybe I should have warned about this post being TMI…
Let’s get back to it; there I was, with a GOB of eggwhite CM, chilling out on my fingers. I was ecstatic! Then panic set in. I thought: “OMG, I just took out this huge bit, what if I took out all of it by accident? What do I do? Should I shove it back in??” I did think this. It’s the truth. I may not be proud of that moment, but BabyMaking turns certain parts of your brain to mush. You’ll be happy to know, I did not “shove it back in”.
I did run to my Hubby and exclaim: “WE HAVE EGGWHITE CM!!”
Me: “It was SO awesome, and gross at the same time, I wish you could have seen it.”
Hubby: “I’d prefer not to, but thanks.”
For a little while, I felt like I was the only goofball living in our house. I was gloriously excited that I had emitted signs of impending ovulation, but part of me was wondering if I should have told Hubby or if he now thought I was crazy. Was I the only one that got so excited about BabyMaking??
The truth always shows up, sooner or later.
Some time later, I was faced with the truth, when Hubby happily told me “There, I did it.”
Hubby: “You’re pregnant! I have super sperm!”
Me: *laughing* “Uh huh, super sperm.”
Well, wouldn’t you know, my husband was potentially as crazy as I was. I didn’t both trying to explain to him the impossibility of sperm making that long travel to the egg, and successfully implanting the egg in mere moments. But hey, at least I’m not the only Crazy in the Fay household.
I am about 11 weeks pregnant, and can’t wait to be out of the First Trimester!