I dreaded going back to work.
I figured out very early in my maternity leave that I wasn’t cut out to be a stay at home parent. Still, I spent 12 weeks dreading the end of maternity leave.
I loved every second of spending time with my girl – and was worried about going back. For me it was one of those times where the expectation is worse than the actual event.
Even though I was excited to go back to work (while on maternity leave I was notified I was being given a massive promotion – think going from the bottom of the totem pole to the top) I knew that I was going to miss out on things. I would miss out on millions of smiles, snuggles and diaper changes. Ariadne would miss out on having The Boob by her all day.
So I spent 12 weeks worrying about the inevitable.
Would I cry on my way to work every morning? Would I sit at my desk thinking about Ariadne all day?
Then there were the insecure questions –
Would The Hubs be able to handle being home alone with her? (obviously this was a stupid thing to think about)
Would my milk supply stay up?
The truth is, I absolutely love being back at work.
The first day, as I was driving out of our neighborhood, I told myself “You’re not going to cry” and I didn’t. Honestly, I didn’t need to, but I wanted to make sure I saw this as a positive thing (hello a big raise and new, exciting work) and not focus on what I was missing out on.
I’m very lucky in that I have a very flexible work schedule. I was able to negotiate my hours as 7:00am-3:00pm so that I would be able to get home in time for The Hub’s to get to class when he needed to (and to allow me enough time with my girl in the afternoons.) This schedule makes my day FLY by. Well that plus the buttloads of work that gets thrown at me every second of the day now that I’m in a new position.
So, I don’t really have time to think about being sad during the day. It’s hard enough to fit in two 15 minute pumping sessions right now!
But you can bet your bottom dollar that the second I get in the car at 3 (or closer to 4 as it’s been going this week…) all I can think about is getting home to the smiles.
It’s so gratifying to come in that door and see this face, a face that I can tell is just SO happy to see me. Every day I get the excited smiles, but some days I can really tell that she’s been missing me. And the very first thing I do is tell her how very very much I’ve missed her.
I love to come home and see the toys all over the place. I know that every day she is getting exactly what she needs.
I even get what I like to call my “Daddy Daycare Report.” The Hubs keeps track of everything they do throughout the day. It’s detailed – ex.
10:20am Naked Tummy Time – Note A: Acting like she needs to poop
12:00-12:20pm Swing Time – Note A: and Pooped! Note B: Congested
For reals, people.
There are daily reports with minute by minute details of the day. It’s awesomely fantastic. Especially since I can make fun of him for noting that she was “acting like she needed to poop.” Freaking hilarious people. Freaking hilarious.
I’m hoping he keeps it up, because this could be a very very interesting Blog Series. Notes from a SAHD
Oh, so – back to me working.
I love it. I love getting some time out on my own. I love stretching my smarts with the new job. I love coming home to the smiles. I love that I love being back at work, because it makes the times I’m home just that much more perfect.